Veggie Tales

Top Ten Reasons I will never be Vegetarian...

10. Hunger.  Veggies simply are not filling.  I wan them to be.  This is why I eat so many salads, but every time I eat salad for dinner, I eat a sandwich immediately thereafter.
9. Overpopulation.  They say that eating vegetarian can reduce fat deposits in your arteries thus increasing your life span significantly.  This is unnecessary.  I don't want to live longer than I'm supposed to.  That is just selfish.
8. My Dad.  I would rather eat meat than have to explain to my dad why I am not eating meat.
7.  Canines.  Not the dogs, the teeth.  I have them.  It would be a silly waste not to use them while they are not yet dentures.  Perhaps when I get dentures, I will ask the dentist to make them all molars.  Then I should be vegetarian.
6. Texas.  Think of how sad they would be if no one ate meat anymore.
5. Cavemen.
4. Veggie Dogs.  Aside from the fact that I find it extraordinarily hypocritical for someone who thinks its a appalling to eat animals to eat something shaped like an animal byproduct, if I ever met someone who ate a Veggie Dog and thought, "Hey, I could eat that again," I simply could not trust them.
3. Canadian Bacon
2. Maple Bacon
1. Bacon

*Canadian Bacon is listed as the lesser of the three bacons.  In fact, it almost did not make the list, Canada, but the fact that you have your own variety emphasizes my point.